The cursor blinks back at me. It awaits a key stroke that is slow to come. Yesterday, it blinked until the screen closed. Today, doesn’t feel much different.
Writing has been a very labored task for me lately. But it’s not for lack of words. In fact, I feel like I’m blazing new trails, exploring new territory, and pondering differently. Life seems to have opened a new door within my brain. I’m thinking about things that I’ve never considered and thoughts that seemed to have always be present have seemingly been buried. It feels like a new day in my thought life.
However, so much feels unprocessed, raw, or simply not ready to be shared yet.
I’m not afraid of being raw or “unfiltered” or whatever term the kids are using these days. 🙂 On more than on occasion, the words overtook that darn blinking cursor. Yet, each time I went to hit “Publish” I hesitated.
It’s not time yet.
At first, I felt fear. Maybe I had run out of things to say? With that laughable fact being tossed out, I began to wonder if it was time to shut down and step away. But that felt wrong as well.
Then I remembered Mary.
But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. Luke 2:19 (ESV)
We live in a sharing world. We share pictures, stories, and thousands of memes. Sharing is quick, easy, and often done without thought.
So, what’s a pondering girl to do in a sharing world?
Well, it’s pretty easy — nothing.
“Nothing” is probably a little easier for me than it is for some people mostly because I already don’t share much. My Facebook page is very inactive, I haven’t posted to my personal Instagram in months, I might post a painting to my art account once a day, and blogging only happens about once a week.
However, with new life happening in my thought life, I find myself wanting to share more! Sharing helps me to process. Sharing helps me to put shape to the various abstract things that are floating around my brain.
But it’s not time for that. It’s time to allow the jumble, embrace the abstract, and rest in the understanding that things will take shape naturally if I give them space to do their thing. It’s only when I embrace the pondering season that the abstract grows into a strong, healthy, and amazing new regular life.
It’s not always easy to keep things close to the heart in a share, share, and share more world but the process is necessary and beautiful when it’s embraced.